JR's Writing Blog

New fangled invites

2010-03-23T02:40:00.001-07:00

About a month ago I got one of the new BBC invites that include a guaranteed read for next script and was a little puzzled. That had never happened before. So, having a new script ready and waiting, I sent it off straight away.

Now, having seen Paul Ashton's blog post on the new invite system, I am baffled no more.

Feeling pickled

2009-11-23T11:07:00.001-08:00

One month today since I quit smoking. Hoorah.

One month today since I did any writing. Boo hoo.

But there is method to my lethargy...

You see, after a frenzied last few months, projects are waiting until the New Year to be re-written.

This is when I have promised to re-write that dreaded first episode of a pilot series (so hard to get just right) and get it out to people.

Until then, to keep my mind off smoking (and drinking) and to stop myself starting anything new... I have been on a marathon pickling session, culminating in dozens of jars of onions, red cabbage and eggs.

Not only are my fingernails stained red, I stink of vinegar, am sweating onion through the pores of my skin and now have a phobia about boiled eggs and eggy burps.

I'm a writer. Get me out of here.

Feeling cordial...

2009-11-05T01:53:00.001-08:00

In between re-writes and before starting another new project turns out to be the best time to quit smoking... and drinking as it happens (because the two invariably go together and I can't have a glass of wine without a smoke. It's the law).

Going cold turkey. It's been eleven days so far.

I usually use smoking (and drinking) as a reward for making me finish my work... finish this page and you can have a coffee and a cigarette. Finish the first ten pages and you can have a glass of wine tonight... that sort of thing.

As for finishing a first draft, well, that usually finds me celebrating with a bottle or two of Cab Sav and emptying a whole pack of menthals.

So, I will have to think of new rewards in future. At present, I am switched onto elderberry flower cordial and sugar free gum.

Doesn't have quite the same promise or allure about it though... Any better suggestions anyone?

Cinderella does not go to the ball...

2009-10-26T05:33:00.000-07:00

The Cheltenham Screenwriting ball that is...

Is it just me and David Bishop left on the blogosphere... or is anybody else out there?

He's back...

2009-10-23T08:42:00.001-07:00

I haven't seen him since the mid to late eighties but now he's back and all for 99p from E-Bay.

Those familiar with this blog will realise that I wrote a script about the 'curse of the crying boy' and I've been trying to get my hands on a real J Bragolin print ever since. I researched this story a lot, talked to experts and eyewitnesses and as a result I am now fascinated by the subject (hence the crying boy now has its own blog) at Curse Of The Crying Boy

My picture now sits above hubby's desk in our shared office.

This morning, he swears he had shivers running down his spine as he looked at it and keeps checking to make sure the picture isn't moving from side to side.

Of course, what he should be worried about is fire... good job he doesn't smoke.

That first draft feeling...

2009-10-16T04:13:00.000-07:00

Got it done.

Now for the reward...

An afternoon on the sofa with the fire on and the DVD box set of Pride & Prejudice (the proper Mr Darcy aka Colin Firth, you understand. None of your pretenders will do for me)

Technically I'm not allowed the fire on until November 1st according to hubby, but seeings he's not here....

The first draft can scream at me for attention all it wants but for now this is 'me' time.

Curse of 'The Crying Boy'...

2009-10-14T11:16:00.000-07:00

As some readers of this blog will recall, a script of mine made the headlines in a Sun newspaper column recently (thanks to Kelvin MacKenzie).

I am now able to tell you that I have (anonymously, I might add) purchased my first 'Crying Boy' painting for just 99 pence from E-Bay. Apparently it's lived 20 years with the same Scottish family without starting any house fires at all.

Can't wait for it to arrive.

Am going to hang it in my office, above my desk. Hubby, though isn't at all happy and is currently checking out our home content insurance documents as we speak.

Will put up a pic as soon as it arrives. Have also started blog about this script. See my full profile for details.

Will being a fork lift truck driver harm my career?

2009-10-12T09:14:00.000-07:00

I got offered a new job today working in the office of an agricultural depot.

The hours are fantastic. Very early 7AM start and finish at 11AM (so loads of time for writing). A big bonus is that it is just ten minutes drive away from my home and I won't have to wear fancy clothes and makeup (which often adds an extra hour onto my day).

Coolest thing about it... I can take a forklift truck test (if I want to) and play with the boys in the warehouse (again, only if I want to).

New boss looked baffled when I asked if they come in pink.... yellow isn't exactly my colour, you see.

Who is in charge here?

2009-09-28T10:24:00.000-07:00

New script has been trying to get out of its drawer for the past couple of months 'Read me, write me now' but have calmly ignored its pleas, until recently.

After all, I am the writer. I'm the one in charge, right?

Anyway, re-write is now complete.

'Ha. That's what you think' script retaliates, because it always knows best.

'Get in envelope and be gone' I command of it.

And finally it does as it is told, pulling a very sad face, making me feel almost sorry for it.

'But I'll be back' script warns.

Well, there's no arguing with that.

Anyone for Taps?

2009-09-18T12:44:00.001-07:00

Am going to be one of the delegates on the London continuing drama Taps course in October (found out today).

Anyone else going on the blogosphere?

Please let me know.

Jane Richards exposes herself in The Sun...

2009-09-10T02:55:00.000-07:00

No... not in a Page 3 way.

Thanks to Kelvin Mackenzie, he has promoted a screenplay of mine in his weekly column, out today. A lovely man, he has been very supportive of my writing and taken the time to speak with me on the phone, as well as e-mailing me. I am very grateful to him.

Savaged, Sacked & Still Smiling...

2009-08-25T07:36:00.000-07:00

Got attacked by a dog, resulting in many hours with my pants down being photographed as husband collated evidence (he doesn't even watch CSI). It had to bite me in the bottom, didn't it? A place I can hardly show people.

Then got sacked from a temporary job for pointing out to line manager I am not accustomed to being barked at or shouted at (I hate bullies). And then had to get accustomed to doing a lot of walking (as I left the building).

I've never been sacked before and wonder if I should consider counselling.

On the good side, finally got to complete my new script and am currently working on a re-write of another that has been requested by an agent (this will be the third script I've sent them).

Currently 0n my third invite from the Beeb and I really have to try to impress them with my next submission so have been putting out the feelers for some feedback from fellow writers in the hope that I can improve, improve, improve.

Oh and I did something today I've never done before (I can feel myself blushing at the very thought). I only went and sent a script to somebody famous... somebody who shares an interest and involvement in the subject I wrote about. I'm too embarassed to say who it was or what the connection was... but I promise to let you know if I get a response.

What did make me smile on the blogosphere this week... well, two things actually - the trailer for 'Splendid' which I'm sure everybody's seen and David 'pointy shoes' Bishop's announcement that he's got a commission to do Doctors.

What's made you smile on the blogosphere this week?

I stole Kate Rowland's peanuts...

2009-07-03T17:11:00.000-07:00

Yes it's absolutely true. Guilty as charged.

Went to the ScreenLit festival in Nottingham tonight. Was hoping to make the Writer's Room roadshow but got lost and spent one hour (yes one whole wasted hour of my life) driving around Nottingham City Centre.

Eventually got there in time for a couple of free glasses of wine and the end of Guy Hibbert's talk.

I opened the door (very polite and well mannered of me, I know) for another lady who couldn't quite get to grips with how the door handle worked... and later saw the same lady sitting at the next table. Not being able to stop myself being envious of the large bowl of peanuts in front of her, I nicked some when she wasn't looking.

Yes. You've guessed it. That lady was none other than Kate Rowland. I only found out later, after watching a screening of Guy's film 'Five Minutes Of Heaven' during which Kate quizzed Guy on his research/film.

Luckily for me, I didn't rugby tackled her to the ground in my quest for munchies.

Five Minutes Of Heaven...

2009-07-01T05:33:00.000-07:00

Excited. Going to my first Guild type event on Friday night in Nottingham for the Guy Hibbert and David Edgar talk. Will also be hanging around to watch Guy's film 'Five Minutes Of Heaven'

Anyone else going?

Employed again...

2009-06-27T08:39:00.000-07:00

As detailed on my blog a short time ago I was made redundant from my production assistant role (last day was on Thursday) so I'm very lucky to have found a new job already (despite being half an hour late for interview due to overturned lorry).

I will be writing and editing bespoke scripts for civil ceremonies such as weddings; renewal of vows, baby naming ceremonies/civil partnerships/civil funerals etc and start toward end of July. I am very excited and very relieved.

I suppose that's one way of getting my work performed in public! Does this make me eligible to apply to the BBC Writer's Academy, I wonder!!!

Does Your Screenplay Suck?

2009-06-18T08:56:00.000-07:00

In that case... get yourself along to...

William Akers Screenwriting Talk

Fatal Errors New (and experienced!) Writers Make!

An intensive and informative workshop with William M. Akers, author of "Your Screenplay Sucks! 100 Ways To Make It Great"

Met Film School
Ealing Studios, Ealing Green
London W5 5EP

Thursday 2nd July 2009

6:30 - 8:30 p.m.

Tickets - £15 (pay on the door)

To book your tickets please email beka@metfilm.co.uk

Google Will to find out more.

Jingle all the way...

2009-06-18T01:17:00.000-07:00

My work life balance and sleep patterns are wrecked at the moment due to this constant jingle going around in my head. I blame the Cbeebies team. Last night I was awake till 3AM, singing the jingle in my head. Agghhhh!

Yes My Name Is Iggle Piggle

And if it's not Iggle Piggle it's that damn Apprentice cereal advert jingle 'A bowl of this of pirate mix, so come and get your treasure flakes'.

Pimm's o'clock...

2009-06-11T14:23:00.000-07:00

I have been away too... too... long. But now I'm back I thought I'd treat you all to a nice glass of Pimm's. A favourite tipple for the summer, which I now intend to enjoy.

Truth is I've been so incredibly busy. Hubby started up his new business and needed my help for a couple of weeks (that turned into two months) and I've recently completed several new projects. Oh and I've been pretty obsessed with my raised vegetable beds, spending most nights with them (and a glass of wine) encouraging them not to be shy. See photo attached.

This photo was taken ages ago and I am now the proud owner of all sorts of yummy organic veg (with a surplus of rocket - if anyone wants any).

On the writing front, the good news is, things are progressing nicely.

Bad news is, I will be out of a job in three weeks time. I really am a victim of the present credit crunch as life in my production department has really slowed to a crawl. Anyone want a good production assistant?

Lots of extra time for writing maybe, but the bills still need paying... and Pimm's doesn't come cheap (nor does the best black top soil for that matter).

Manflue (myth or fact)...

2009-02-12T00:20:00.000-08:00

Well... it must be true because I've got it (caught it from hubby).

However the symptoms for a man and woman when coming down with the condition are extremely different.

Me (suffering from mild, wifely man flue - as diagnosed by hubby): Likes to go quietly to bed without disturbing rest of household; curl up in warm bed and stay quiet; Eat nothing except Vitamin C tablets and odd dry bit of toast; suggest hubby do my chores... as I'm really not up to it... and be very grateful when he does; call in sick from work (very apologetic); Wear hat/gloves/scarf/thermals if I DO have to go out at all (say to cash machine or greengrocers); Think more kindly about my single days when I didn't have a sick husband to compete with and finally... take a couple of days to recover.

Hubby (suffering from full blown version - as diagnosed by his good self): Likes to make a noisy bed on the sofa; watch Cash In The Attic, Loose Women and Alan Titmarsh' new daytime TV show; talk incessantly about how poorly he is; eat excessive amount of biscuits and cake (crumbs down sofa); Continue, heroically to do all chores whilst grumbling about the state of the nation's wimps who take to their beds as soon as they sneeze or sniffle; Go to work (no matter how sick), telling anyone who will listen that he hasn't had a day off sick in eight years and isn't about to start now; Refuse to wear hat/gloves/scarf (wouldn't be seen dead in thermals or women's tights - even though I've advised him how much warmer he'd be) if he had to go out at all (for more cake); start to talk more kindly about his mother (remembering the times she'd nursed him back to health as a boy) and finally... take three weeks to fully recover

Awaiting raid by police...

2009-02-10T07:05:00.000-08:00

Oops. Hubby has scared me with his dire warnings and now I'm all on edge, biting my fingernails in case I get raided by the police.

No. I haven't been throwing snowballs at defenceless grannies, nor have I been lurking on street corners hoping to bump into drug barons.

My crime then... was to inform the police that I intended to do some gritty research into sexually related areas (can't say more than that at present, all very top secret).

'What did you do? Did you show up in person? Who did you speak to? What did they say?'... his questions came all at once.

'Simple really, I googled policeman and e-mailed one' I told him.

Whilst pulling the hair out of his head, I explained the rest... 'I simply let them know I was doing some controversial research (that top secret stuff I told you about earlier) and asked them if they could best advise me how not to accidentally stumble on any prohibited sites (not being arrested or put on any kind of register is, understandably, very important to me. I am after all, somebody's granny). So I registered my intent and backed it up with a promise to supply all my details (address, phone numbers etc) just in case they wanted to check me out.

Now he's ultra confident the police will fly in on a helicopter and confiscate my computer. 'They can't do that, I'm a writer' I complained, justifiably. 'Besides, they'll never find us' (we live in remote countryside and even sat nav can't navigate us). And the last time I called the police (when we uncovered a stolen set of golf clubs in the hedgerow) I had to give them directions over the phone, talk them all the way here, just to collect them.

But now hubby's got me worried. He's even suggesting I give up on my next writing project 'Can't you write about teddy bears or something?'

'Yes' I told him 'I could write a gritty, hard hitting drama about the sexual desires and fetishes in teddy bears if it makes you feel any better'.

It didn't.

Obviously I don't have any intention of visiting prohibited sites (you know the ones I'm talking about) and would be horrified to see any of that stuff... I was just trying to do the right thing (cover my derriere).

Hindsight is a wonderful thing.

What's it like living with a screenwriter?

2009-02-08T03:07:00.001-08:00

Two ways of looking at this. Firstly, what's it like for the non-writing partner/spouse having to live with a screenwriter and secondly, what's it like for a screenwriter living with another screenwriter?

Personally, I have never lived with another screenwriter (apart from that short and very messy stint with Quentin... don't get me started on that). So I only have my husband's experience of what it is like, to go on. By trying to achieve a healthy work life balance, hubby and I came up with a few rules that mean no writing at weekends or evenings and that seems to work extremely well for us.

But these rules can be bent around sport, I've found. So whenever football, tennis; athletics or even darts are on - I get to disappear upstairs to my study for hours on end (be it a Sat, Sun or bank holiday). As there's always plenty of sport on the TV, our little 'work life balance' routine works fine.

And continues to, providing he does most or all of the following:- resist calling my dedication an obsession; always be delighted to stop whatever he is doing to read a script of mine; understand that if forced to give up a whole day's writing in order to visit his mother then ultimately a price has to be paid. And finally, it's time for dinner when I say it is (even if it is midnight). Failing that, there's always the power of persuasion to keep him happy and me writing!!!

Based on the above, I can't help wondering what it would be like to live with another screenwriter. Would we talk scriptwriting 24 hours; would we end up ruthlessly competitive; sabotage each other's scripts; steal ideas; fight over the best computer (and best view); insist on a credit for changes made to spouse's script; give false feedback/critiques in a bid to get one over on the other? And would it all end in separation/divorce if one got whisked off to Hollywood and the other left behind, still working part time at the local Cineworld.

Ran into the abominable snowman this morning...

2009-02-05T03:22:00.000-08:00

Got snowed in this morning (had to dig way out of gates). Hubby took two hours just to get into city centre (usually 20 mins) and my boss told me not to bother going in as only four out of thirty odd staff had made it so far and the company were planning on sending everybody home soon.

So, with an official holiday on the cards and snowmen to be built, I decided to walk the two miles into the village for essential items (fags) rather than risk getting the car stuck in snow or sliding into a ditch.

On my way back, on the other side of the woods, I saw a man lurking. At the top of his voice he kept screaming 'I love you'. Bizarre, as he was totally alone. Not another person in sight.

Whilst men don't usually fall in love with me on first sight (for reasons of their own, I can't comprehend)... it seems it can and does happen.

Needless to say I hurried on a bit, conjuring up the face and melodramatic tone of the 'dog walker' who would later come across my dead body in some leafy glade and be only too happy to give interviews to the press.

Once I got home, I took the key out of the door (a total disregard for security is common practice in the country) and installed grumpy German Shepherd in the kitchen (for obvious reasons).

But now I'm wondering... could I have misunderstood him? Was he screaming 'help me' rather than 'I love you'. I don't want to ring the police in case I look foolish.

There's a rat in my kitchen...

2009-02-02T11:39:00.001-08:00

Well it's in the barn actually and the little blighters (rattus Norvegicus) has just about pulverised my brand new pair of Wellington boots. I hope they're not bothering the bats that also live in the eaves of our dutch barn.

Anyone who knows me well, knows I am married to Dr Pest himself - a highly qualified pest management specialist, so I was more than a little surprised to find ourselves infested. I don't know why though as I still remember that time we had hornets in the chimney and after exterminating them he told me it was safe for me to put my head in the fireplace and look up. 'Trust me, I'm a pest control officer' were his exact words... only for the dead hornets (and their grubby offspring) to drop on my head (ugh).

I've offered to let the terriers lose on the rats but according to hubby, he now has the problem well under control and my Wellingtons are safe. Well under control??? Last year he released approx a dozen bees nests he salvaged from other people's gardens - into my garden - and I couldn't get anywhere near my plants or weed the flowerbeds for weeks without being attacked.

Surely being married to Bill Oddy can't be this bad.

Four Candle Films....

2009-02-02T01:53:00.000-08:00

News just in...

Four Candle Films - an independent TV/Film company, is currently on the lookout for a retro comedy sketch show starring two A-list male comedians (preferably 1 large and 1 small). Budget constraints dictate limited sets for filming but one of the locations must be a DIY store. Preference will be given to writers with an understanding of 'hardware merchandise'. Own glasses/overalls are essential. Writers with experience of building an arena/tone/world of 'raspberry blowing' can send in a sample script to Four Candle Films, 2 Ronnies Lane, Corbett.

LOL.

If you were a TV/Film production company, what would you call yourself and what kind of programmes or films would you commission?

And it's goodbye from me.

The price of a haircut...

2009-01-31T01:59:00.000-08:00

I visit a trendy hair salon where hairdressers wear name badges pronouncing themselves associate director or senior artistic creator or some such nonsense.

A junior with pink hair gives me a head massage (best bit about the visit), I get to relax on a massaging chair and they'll even order me lunch if I want it. All this for just £98 a time (cut and highlights) and gets done every six - eight weeks - plus the inevitable five pound tip I feel obliged to cough up every time.

The whole process takes hours (four on average) and uses up valuable writing time. Hence I'm often grumpy during my visit and prefer less chatty stylists (so I can at least think about writing without being interrupted).

My husband visits the local barber, is in and out in about half an hour and pays £8 (need I say - conflict... conflict... conflict) .

The reason I'm blogging about it now is I have an appointment at the hairdresser on Tuesday (a writing day) and whilst I like to look nice (just in case I get invited to BBC HQ) I hate the whole experience of getting my hair done. What is the solution?

A dilemma...

2009-01-27T02:02:00.000-08:00

Am struggling on what project I should next send to the BBC.

Had intended to send my comedy/drama pilot but I am a little scared how this will be received (quirky perhaps but not to everyone's tastes) so now I'm wondering whether to plough straight back in with a one off gritty, hard hitting drama (which I'm desperate to start writing).

Comedy drama or a hard hitting, gritty one off? Which one is best?

There's only one way to find out.... FIGHT.

I'm a lady...

2009-01-19T04:54:00.001-08:00

That's right... with all the qualifying lady bits.

Signing on as JR and leaving posts on other blogger's sites seems to lead to some confusion about my gender so I thought I would clear up the mystery pronto.

Therefore, I am not Sir or mate, nor am I in the slightest bit blokish (IMHO)... except maybe after a few too many beers down the pub after an afternoon playing footie and arm wrestling 'Big Stan' from the kebab shop.

And for those of you who stumble across this blog looking for this person:-

All I can say is, sorry, I am not in anyway related. Nor do I have anything to do with his fan club:-

But just so you don't go away too disappointed, the link below is for you.

http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=_R8WS-j7SKA

Feedback from Aunty...

2009-01-10T02:14:00.000-08:00

The dreaded brown paper package arrived in the post this morning and ruined all plans for a cosy lie in with hubby.

Feedback on my invited script was encouraging and the words 'bears the hallmark of a writer who should be encouraged' was worth the three month wait alone. Deemed by the BBC to be a 'very promising calling card' I am especially proud of this script as the subject matter is something I am passionate about.

I have now been invited to send in another script and am very excited about it. This time I am going to send them a pilot episode for a comedy drama serial but I still have a lot of re-writing to do on it.

Fingers crossed.

Newsflash... read all about it

2009-01-07T10:56:00.000-08:00

For those of you who have entered the Summer Rise Film Challenge competition, I have been in touch and they are not going to be able to announce a winner until April.

Apparently they have been inundated with submissions.

I know quite a few of the Summer Rise competition entries find their way to this blog, so I thought it might be useful to pass the info on.

Brown paper packages tied up with string....

2009-01-06T05:23:00.000-08:00

In 2009 I intend to do many of my 'favourite' things. Having seen Robin Kelly's blog I thought I too would set out my aims and objectives for this year. So here goes...

The silly...

Overcome the fear of brown paper packages being returned in the post
Continue to use quote marks despite running the risk of upsetting Mr Arnopp.
Start a petition to bring back Mr Campbell's 'Scriptuality' blog.
Stop calling hubby 'granddad pops' (he's only 37 and already a grandfather, thanks to me).
Manage to make it at least once to Writer's Guild drink evenings to meet up with other writers.
Start carrying a brick in my handbag (once you become a granny you're especially vulnerable).
Limit myself to checking e-mail inbox to once every hour (punishable by self harming if I exceed this limit).
Learn how to drink in moderation (easy to do at interviews and when babysitting)
Learn how to smoke in moderation (easy to do when you're at work, on the train, at the pub).
Stop thinking 'Well if Tony Jordon can churn out scripts whilst finishing off a whole bottle of vodka and smoking 40 fags... so can I'.
Write a serious article on my blog (easy to do if learning to drink and smoke in moderation has worked).
Stop being jealous of established writers (perhaps this item should go in the serious category below?)
Force myself to watch one episode of Dr Who (just one, it's just one, Jane. You can do it).
Start being very grateful to whichever EastEnders writer finally gave Suzie the push.

And the serious...

Do absolute best to learn to like the day job (might be a long trek before I can give up work completely).
Work on rewriting my comedy drama serial pilot and complete treatments for episodes 2 &3 (who says women aren't into comedy writing?)
Revamp my radio play and send off to BBC.
Do mammoth amount of research for gritty, hard hitting drama script (new project for 2009) and consider working with co-writer with experience of making documentaries for same project.
Establish mutually beneficial relationships with more writers.
Apply to go on a TAPS course (if I can ever afford it)
Go to Screenwriting festival (if I can ever afford it)
Enter Red Planet again this year (this time starting from scratch with a new script).
Absolute top aim - To get noticed for writing talent (without having to get cleavage out) which hopefully will lead to other opportunities (and start watching Doctors, just in case).

It's been oh so quiet...

2009-01-05T02:29:00.000-08:00

So I thought I'd make some noise.

Haven't been around for a while due to arrival of baby granddaughter (Jasmine) born 11th December but now I'm back and more than happy to forget about birth weights, nappies and how many ounces of milk a newborn should be fed.

To recap what's going on for 2009.

Still awaiting response from BBC regarding my invited submission (its been three months already and I'm getting very twitchy).

My new script is currently undergoing a complete rewrite (apologies to those who have been forced to read it in its early stages but thanks anyway for excellent feedback peeps 'you know who you are').

Still awaiting news of Summer Rise Film Challenge. By the way, if you're listening Rise Films etc I think I should definitely win (or at least be paid going secretarial rates) seeings how all your google inquiries get directed straight to my blog.

Wishing all you writers and bloggers out there a happy and prosperous New Year.

Tony Jordon has made a big mistake...

2008-11-27T07:01:00.000-08:00

He's forgotten about little ole me.

Can't think what's happened to my congratulatory e-mail confirming I've made it through to the next round.

LOL. Congrats though to everyone who did get through. I am not (repeat NOT) sitting here with voodoo dolls of all those shortlisted, wishing you all kinds of unimaginably humiliating experiences - such as writer's block; obliteration of all your hard drives and back up copies of second round scripts OR even worse - the nightmare scenario of the short listed writers getting drunk and sending all kinds of abusive e-mails to the red planet team without ever being conscious of doing so. Blimey, even the voodoo doll looks sad. Perhaps he entered the RPP too and failed to get through.

I will survive...

2008-11-24T08:14:00.001-08:00

This darned flu virus. Came down with it Friday (barbed wire throat). Completely ruined my plans for the weekend. Haven't touched a drop of wine in six days, so you know it must be bad.

Things didn't get any better on Sunday... Watching the first episode of Survivors (tucked up in a duvet)... 'ever so funny' husband couldn't help pointing out that (in my current state of ill health) I would probably be one of the unfortunate ninety per cent that would fall victim to this 'imaginary' flu epidemic. He evidently sees himself as one of the few survivors! For a moment there I saw him as quite the opposite!

Despite having the real 'flu' thing, I have to say I thoroughly enjoyed Survivors (casting was great) and was delighted to see the BBC have put up the script for the first episode on its website. So get reading...

Wish you were here...

2008-11-19T01:59:00.000-08:00

Ever wondered what quote (as a writer) you'd have printed on one of those BBC acknowledgement cards?

Mine would have to be:-

'The thing I hate most about writing... is not writing' Jane Richards

What about you?

The Cambridge Detective...

2008-11-12T10:02:00.000-08:00

Alison Bruce, a fellow scribe from the writer's group I founded back in 1999 in Newmarket... launches her debut novel on November 27th.

I'm sorry I can't be there, Alison. But I wish you all the luck in the world. And will definitely be asking Santa for a copy at Christmas.

For anyone out there who loves detective novels... this book is a must have.

My grill pan and I...

2008-11-11T03:26:00.001-08:00

Bizarre dream last night... during which my grill pan demanded to become a character in Episode 1 of my current drama serial (work in progress).

In order not to disappoint said 'grill pan' I got to wondering just how I would describe its character.

Hum...

How about 'Olive skinned, sharp dresser with a hint of the Mediterranean about him/her'.

However, I'm not sure if a grill pan is given a particular gender (like car or ship) so that leaves me in something of a quandary.

Any better ideas?

Warning: Any resemblance (see picture) to grill pans living or dead is unintentional

Who do you blog...

2008-11-10T02:47:00.000-08:00

So how well do you know other bloggers? Are you following them? Or are they following you. Here's a quick test to find out...

1) Who is the mysterious Cerys Mitchell and where did she first turn up?
2) Who recently rubbed shoulders with the cast of Dr Who at the National TV Awards?
3) Who was it that suffered from a nearly-severed thumb?
4) Which blog writer was surprised to discover he had (a first) follower on his site and now has many more?
5) Who caused controversy on their blog by announcing that 'writing was a job' not a calling?
6) Which blogger was responsible for first starting the song 'meme' thing?
7) Whose movie is now out on DVD release?
8) Which blogger has suffered from the present literary agent's 'credit crunch' ?
9) Who was baffled by the sudden appearance of helicopters?
10) Who recently wrote an episode of 'Not Going Out' for consideration?

Answers on a postcard please to....

Beef stew and dumplings...

2008-11-03T03:38:00.000-08:00

It definitely is that time of year for warm, comforting food. So this weekend I knocked up a batch of venison pies for the freezer; a cauldron of home made soup and spooned up hubby's favourite - beef stew and dumplings (even though I'm more of a goat's cheese and rocket salad person myself).

Keeping warm is a priority (though a particularly difficult task in a house with no central heating) so I've donned my woolly hat and gained an extra 10 pound (at least it looks that way) by wearing two of everything.

Our house costs an average of £7 - £8 a day in electricity charges (and that's taking into account how miserly we are with what heating we have) so have taken to tramping the country lanes with a notebook rather than cosying it up in my study with the heater turned on.

Leaning against an old tree and listening to the wildlife scurrying about in its search for breakfast can be quite inspiring. But I am determined against writing any more rural dramas so the 'arena' of my location doesn't fit with my current project (set in suburban 70's) so it can be quite distracting.

Researching for my project I came across some rare old favourites. This footage is sure to put a smile on your face:-

YouTube - The Benny Hill Show-End Credits

Update on the the objectives I set for myself for October

1) Obtained cure for husband's shin splints injury prior to his running a half marathon.
2) Did not learn to jive or bunny hop in preparation for 1940's weekend. Instead I fell over and hurt myself.
3) Completed the two reviews I promised other writers.
4) Am still outlining for my new project (first draft beginnings just around the corner).
5) Have not yet managed to quit harassing Trevor the post man (the BBC and agents are not that quick in getting back).
6) Did not convince my husband we could afford to go to the Writer's Guild award ceremony in London AND stay overnight in a hotel. Maybe next year?

In a huff over Piers' test...

2008-10-27T03:05:00.001-07:00

Cool test, I thought. So I took the plunge straight away.

At the end of the test I was informed 'You are not able to take direction'.

What? Well, in that case - my writing career must be doomed. Not able to take direction! From editors; producers; professional readers!!!

But then I realised I had not followed the test correctly. In my haste to arrive at the verdict I'd forgotten to answer the questions.

My analysis then came up as follows:-

'You are a direct and forthright person. You like to get to the core of the issue right away, with few signs of hesitation'.

Aha. That'll explain why I didn't slow down long enough to follow the instructions, then.

It also said:-

You are creative, mentally active and industrious.
You have a sunny, cheerful disposition.

Boys and their toys...

2008-10-18T07:20:00.001-07:00

Here's me this morning when I was supposed to be mowing the paddock, but decided to multi task and do some editing at the same time. Poor suffering husband was most put out, considering he'd agreed to spend the morning building me some raised vegetable beds.

I bought the tractor mower for him last year for our wedding anniversary and up until now I haven't been allowed anywhere near it. But now the novelty factor is starting to wear off... it's a whole different story.

I haven't yet got around to telling him I'm ordering a greenhouse for next spring and that he will be the one putting it up. According to assembly instructions, it states - 'two men needed for two hour job' so I'm assuming one person (him) will be able to accomplish the same feat in twice the time. Nothing could be simpler, right? Besides, he'll have me on hand to guide him with the instructions, so what could go wrong?

BBC Writer's Room....

2008-10-18T01:57:00.000-07:00

Must be exceptionally busy this time of year... and there I was hoping all the entries for Red Planet Prize and Summer Rise Film Challenge would see a reduction in numbers submitting to the BBC.

Since sending my last submission (early April) and up to my latest invited submission (sent three weeks ago) I estimate they must have received 6,120 scripts. That must be one of the biggest slush piles to sift through. And a lot of writers' hopes either encouraged or dashed in the process.

That's if I've worked it out correctly - based on the reference number they gave me in April and the one I received yesterday on the acknowledgement card.

No wonder they can take up to four months to respond. I'm just impressed they manage to do such a quick turnaround as it is. Well done BBC Writer's Room.

Run Fat Boy, run...

2008-10-14T08:11:00.001-07:00

As you can see hubby isn't really a fat boy at all. In fact he lost two stone in weight while training for the half marathon run on Sunday, raising money for Motor Neurone Disease.

Despite being injured (with a shin splint) he managed to get around in just over two hours and the poor man hadn't been able to train for the last five weeks (due to injury).

I am extremely proud of him. And unlike Simon Pegg, he didn't come up against any walls at all.

Why wasn't I doing it with him, I hear you ask? Well... because he has the lungs of a 26 year-old (though he's actually a good ten years older) whereas I have the lungs of a 44 year-old smoker. But I did accompany him on my bike during training and did seek lengthy advice from a pharmacist over healing injuries (which he chose to ignore).

National Poetry Day...

2008-10-10T01:18:00.000-07:00

... came and went yesterday so I thought I'd take five minutes today to belatedly celebrate the event by creating my own quiet poet's corner on this page.

There's been a lot of news recently regarding educating children about poetry and that cannot be a bad thing. So I thought I would throw in a verse to mark the occasion (though not educational or particularly inspiring as didn't have time to reflect too much).

As I sit here, alone, at my desk,
I find there's things to get off my chest.
Nailed Acts 1 and 2 but 3 is a non-starter,
Secound thoughts, I'll make it a two parter.

That's really all I've got time for. If anyone wants to follow up with their own verse, feel free to do so here. It will cost you a pound (just kidding).

Oh What A Lovely War...

2008-10-07T03:27:00.000-07:00

Last year I attended the 1940's village war weekend and used the experience as a backdrop for my drama series. So this year I thought I'd get into 'character' by dressing up and joining in.

There were tank rides; air raids with vintage fire engines; a host of military jeeps and vehicles; stalls; memorabilia; a 1940's hairdresser; tea dances; rationing vouchers for spam fritters and rock cakes; weapons on display etc. Plus a representation from all military sectors - Armed Forces; Land Army; MP's; American GI's and even a few brave German soldiers.

That's me in the white fur (fake - not real) and black hat - impersonating an officer's wife. Yummy Husband (also in colour) dressed up as an RAF Officer and was saluted by any and all soldiers of inferior rank (which secretly he liked very much). I must say seeing him dressed so... with the hat and uniform and everything... gave me a bit of a 'full monty' moment.

Highlight of the event for me wasn't the tanks - it was getting chatted up by an American GI right under my husband's nose.

Told you I was accident prone...

2008-10-06T03:03:00.000-07:00

On the way to a 1940's village dance at the weekend (photos to follow) I tripped over in the 'blackout' and now have the grazed knees of an eight-year-old. I also cut my elbow and both arms are slowly turning black. All in the pursuit of research for my drama series, I hasten to add.

I soldiered on, however, and made it to the dance (ripped tights and all) and even managed a pathetic attempt at a jive but am now paying the price. This morning I couldn't even wash my hair (arms refused to go up that far) and friendly village postmaster pretended not to know me (due to having bad hair day) for which I am very grateful.

Surely I am too young to be falling off pavements and writing 'grown up' letters of complaints to local authorities? Doesn't that usually happen to VERY OLD people?

Worst thing is I have to take very large, grumpy German Shepherd with an ear abscess the size of a hard boiled egg to the vets. Due to his obsessive compulsive disorder and nervous aggression to other dogs (he was a rescue!) he will have to be muzzled and I can only hope I can manage to hold on to him in the waiting room. Heathcliffe (so named because of his moody disposition) has a rather imaginative fear of leaves (falling from trees) so am hoping for a particularly still 'non-leaf-dropping' day today.

Husband implies (though he dare not say so outright) that my 'injuries' are not severe enough to take time off from my new job especially as I am not entitled to sick pay.

The office... a very daunting place

2008-10-02T01:57:00.000-07:00

First day back at work yesterday and it was a very daunting experience.

Friendly village postmaster wanted to know what had happened to the scruffy, country girl in Wellington boots, tartan gilet and cords. In her place was this very groomed, professional looking woman I no longer recognised as myself.

Turned up early and immediately made a boo boo by informing new boss I wouldn't be making a regular habit of being fifteen minutes early!

Very nice friendly people but even so I was daunted by the volume of work and new techniques I had to learn. I hate Adobe acrobat and Mac computers.

Good news is - we are allowed to pop out for a sneaky ciggie and they do have nettle tea (to detox after the nicotine fix). We even get free Indian head massages. Due to the fact I had to find my own public liability insurance - I must be extra careful not to spill coffee over anyone. For someone who is very accident prone that is going to take some figuring out!

The office is a very scary place to be after a long absence. My husband says I can only quit after I've had some success with the writing... so here I am praying.

An addiction to blogging...

2008-09-30T03:46:00.000-07:00

I've overcome my addiction to 'regularly' popping in and out of the BBC Writer's Room and other writing sites; cremated my obsession of having to win three games of solitaire in a row before I can start writing and killed off the desire to check e-mails every three minutes (this last was most difficult).

But now I find I have a new addiction - blogging. Not just blogging on here but checking out everybody else's blogs. So I fear I must apologise to other bloggers if your visitor stats are going haywire at the moment. I'm not stalking you (promise). It's a proven clinical thing... KWNT syndrome. I looked it up somewhere and it means 'Kid With New Toy' syndrome. Just bear with me for now as I'm sure this new obsession will pass.

Truth be told I'm always at a loose end when I first start working on a new project. I think it's a delay... procrastinate... delay thing that I always seem to work my way out of in the end.

Fearfully awaiting a visit from the blogging police.

Rise Films get my vote...

2008-09-29T05:05:00.001-07:00

The Summer Rise Films Challenge deadline was Friday. I posted my entry off a little while ago by registered post and got an e-mail back from them the very next day... confirming they'd received my script and were looking forward to reading it etc.

Wow. Very impressed by their speedy efficiency.

Granny Writer's Blog...

2008-09-29T04:48:00.001-07:00

At least that is what I should re-name my blog.

Can Granny writer's be taken seriously? Will being a 'canny Granny' affect my chances in the screen writing world?

I'm just not old enough, surely?

This is granddaughter Jasmine - due to arrive in this world at end of November.

She is of course going to grow up to be a very successful screenwriter (and you saw her here first).

Does Final Draft come in child-friendly software?

I feel like dancing...

2008-09-29T01:37:00.000-07:00

Having been tagged by David (Vicious) Bishop to come up with a song meme for writing - I really can't pretend to have any deep, analytical taste in music.

So my offering would be this:-

It's upbeat, puts a smile on my face and gets me in the mood for writing (or almost anything). Just substitute the word 'dancing' with 'writing' and you're away. Just click on the link (below).

YouTube - Nolans - I'm in The Mood For Dancing

I tag Andrew Davies (sorry, can't make the cheese and wine do); M. Night Shyamalan (STOP calling me); drinking buddy Tarantino (I'm through telling you... use the spellcheck); Simon Pegg (I'm married, get over it); and Tony Jordan (Look into my eyes, the eyes, not around the eyes ... you're under... Now about that Red Planet Prize).

Screenwriting blah blah...

2008-09-24T03:05:00.000-07:00

It's been a prolific month for writing (and re-writing) and I'm feeling rather pleased with myself now that I've achieved all the objectives I set out to do for the month of September.

Red Planet Prize - done & gone.

Summer Challenge Rise Films - done & gone.

Script requested by BBC - done & gone.

Script requested by agent (third submission to her so am keeping fingers crossed) - done & gone.

I'm now working on an outline for my next script and can't wait to get stuck in.

Start my new job next week and I'm feeling pretty nervous about it.

Objectives for October:-

1) Obtain cure for husband's shin splints injury prior to his running a half marathon.
2) Learn to jive or bunny hop in preparation for 1940's weekend and dance held first weekend in October.
3) Complete two reviews I have promised other writers.
4) Make a start on the first draft of my new project.
5) Stop checking e-mails every three minutes and harassing Trevor the post man (the BBC and
agents are not that quick in getting back).
6) Convince my husband we CAN afford to go to the Writer's Guild award ceremony in London AND stay overnight in a hotel.

Better than Jordan... just

2008-09-21T09:15:00.001-07:00

My daughter (who I'm ashamed to say hasn't read a book since taking her A-levels) grudgingly agreed to read my latest script (for Summer Rise Film Challenge).

I sat for what seemed like forever - studying her every expression as she toiled her way through the 101 page count.

'Well?' I asked, seriously wanting the opinion of somebody half my age.

'Well what?' she wanted to know.

'What did you think?'

'It was nice' she finally admitted'.

NICE!!! The word a writer hates to hear more than any other. I could have killed her.

Finally, she agreed it was better than her last read... Katie Price's autobiography.

Oh well... that has to count for something.

I'm googleable...

2008-09-18T04:04:00.000-07:00

Just tap in... Jane Richards screenwriter... and up I pop. Wow!

And that's all down to The Writer's Guild Blog Site (such free
publicity has to be worth the subscription fee alone).

As you can see, I'm very easily impressed!

The girl did good...

2008-09-15T06:23:00.000-07:00

Just when I was beginning to think I was unemployable... I got a job.

A freelance production/editing job for a magazine. It's only fifteen hours a week so that still leaves me plenty of time for writing.

My Pick 'n' Mix sweetie shop of screenplays is now open...

2008-09-12T06:06:00.001-07:00

Only two children allowed in the shop at any time (link above right under blog title).

Pickpockets will be spanked with a giant copyright ruler.

Please check your change before leaving the shop as mistakes cannot be rectified afterwards.

Taught to write by Skippy....

2008-09-08T11:36:00.001-07:00

I just thought I'd fill you in on The London Academy of Film, Media and TV (very convenient to Euston station) where I obtained a diploma in screenwriting.

It's a very good course for complete novices and it's probably also beneficial to those wanting a refresher course in the industry. But probably not for seasoned writers (unless you just want to connect with other writers).

Having said that I had a ball and particularly enjoyed the group exercises. There were about eight of us on the course (all different ages, backgrounds etc). Meeting up at the pub on the corner near the sex shop was cool too. Not so cool was rolling home around midnight (after a mad dash to the tube station; an hour and ten minutes train journey; a rip off priced train ticket not to mention a £10 parking fee; plus another forty minutes drive home).

What made it worthwhile for me was the overpriced salmon and watercress sandwich and wine sized glass of cabernet sauvignon from Marks and Spencer at Euston tube station. Can you believe they charge 70pence for a single plum? Even if it is organic!

The course tutor was Ted (Teddy Bear) Ager - a lovable old-school eccentric who really should quit smoking (the smoker's cough during lectures proved irksome). But the really interesting thing about Ted was that he was one of the original writers on Skippy.

If you're too young to remember Skippy - it was an Australian series based on the escapades of a kangaroo and cute blonde haired children in the outback. I for one can remember watching it when I was a child. I can even remember the soundtrack and Skippy's 'dialogue' which went something like 'eeh. eeh. eeh' followed by a squeaking sound (or was it the other way around).

My childhood memories were ruined however when Ted informed me that 'Skippy' was wrestled into a bag and shook about a bit - in order to make him more active. Apparently kangaroos are lazy actors at the best of times and need a certain amount of... shall we say... motivation.

Anyone else remember Skippy?

And it's goodbye from me....

2008-09-08T05:26:00.000-07:00

Yes. My Red Planet series proposal went off today. It's always rather sad when you have to say goodbye to something you've nurtured (like a baby or a sickly goldfish) for so many months.

I'm currently tweaking everything ready for the Summer Rise film challenge and hope to get that out too - by the end of this week.

Then, hopefully I can move on to my Cannes short film commission (if the development notes ever arrive). I'm not at liberty to tell you what it's about or where it's being shot... all I can say is it's very dark.

Oh and after that I have an outline for a new script (something I think the BBC will like). I can't wait to get stuck in. I wish I'd come up with the idea months ago.

Ta da....

2008-08-22T06:40:00.000-07:00

At last I've got the log line, synopsis, plot breakdown and personal statement prepared for the Summer Rise Films screenplay competition.

Deadline end of September so I plan on re-writing the first draft soon.

Talking to myself again...

2008-08-18T10:29:00.001-07:00

To date not one person has dropped by my blog and said hello. What a 'billy no-mates' am I. Nobody ever visits so I might as well be talking to myself. But since that's not unusual I may as well carry on.

If anyone does drop in to take a peek, please take the time to say hello - particular (if like me) you happen to be a tomato grower. I've become obsessed with gardening lately and love nothing more than to potter around every evening with a glass of red wine - on vegetable patrol and checking for new growth etc.

Heard it on the grapevine...

2008-08-15T11:14:00.001-07:00

My grapevine has grown two grapes. They are the tiniest little things ever... but one day they may grow big enough to go on a slice of cheese. Hum... must go out and buy some white wine in anticipation.
Hopefully they'll do better than the wasted crop of butternut squash I attempted to grow last year.

I'm having a breakdown over the breakdown...

2008-08-15T03:41:00.000-07:00

So my first draft for the Summer Rise Films Challenge is done and I'm waiting on feedback from some trusted fellow writing colleagues before I do a re-write. I've managed to rustle up a logline and 250 word (exact) personal statement. Just the synopsis (max 50 words!) and plot breakdown to do now.

I hate synopsis hell.

My car (not)

2008-08-08T11:39:00.001-07:00

It's a no then... but not quite

2008-08-04T05:34:00.000-07:00

I heard back today from the agent I approached in May. A very nice e-mail confirming that she thought my script was too similar to another one currently in development.
However she did point out that the script did show development and encouraged me to send my next work to her.
So that's the BBC and the agent I have to impress now with my next script. No pressure then!

The BBC have invited me to....

2008-08-02T02:04:00.000-07:00

Send in my next script.

I got some very encouraging feedback from them reference my script 'Magic Housewives' and although they do not wish to develop this script any further (I didn't know when I first submitted it they were already developing something similar) they have invited me to send in my next script. As very few new writers get to this solicited stage I was very excited.

Better make the next one better than the last then...

My husband can no longer afford me

2008-07-31T03:15:00.000-07:00

I don't earn any money from writing and I'm too expensive! Not only do I smoke but I cannot exist without an endless supply of red wine (I am a member of The Sunday Times Wine Club and very proud of it. It's taken me over twenty years to become a member and I'm not about to quit now).
Not only that, but since I've banned him from eating cage birds or consuming battery eggs - he reminds me that an average free range chicken costs nearly ten pounds!!!
I've suggested we get our own but he's convinced the dogs will behead them pronto (and he's probably right).
So today, rather reluctantly, I am taking myself off for an interview for a property management company. The job (if I get it... and I'm going to try very hard not to) will involve showing potential clients around properties and taking inventories... that sort of thing.
I'd rather be home writing and waiting for Trevor the postman who likes to tut and shake his head in pity whenever he delivers me one of those SAE rejection packages.
Oh well... I'll let you know how the interview goes. I just hope the potential new boss doesn't see this blog.

Rural ramblings

2008-07-31T02:42:00.000-07:00

I've added a few pictures of where I live. We have no near neighbours and live on a private country estate (not mine, I hasten to add). We're inundated with wildlife... swallows and bats in the barn, pheasants and partridge, hare and rabbits, birds of prey and owls. Oh and Charlie the fox of course.
This year I have been trying to raise organic vegetables as well as a wide variety of herbs. The tomatoes get more love and attention (including goodnight kisses) than my husband. I've planted fruit trees in the paddock and my olive and peach tree are both doing well. This year I even managed to harvest enough fruit for a summer pudding.
The picture above is my office. There's one of our lovely little cottage and the paddock (and view from my study).

Summer Challenge

2008-07-30T06:11:00.001-07:00

My first draft of the Summer Challenge competition is complete and now lurks in a drawer somewhere until I'm ready to take it out again and give it another look. On to Tony Jordan's Red Planet comp for which I already have Episode 1 of a series.

No news yet on agent

2008-07-30T05:52:00.000-07:00

I sent a portfolio of my work to Brie Burkeman two months ago for consideration. The current wait is around four months so plenty of time for me to worry myself to death over it in meantime. I sent another of my scripts to Ms Burkeman last year and although she did not think it was original enough to break into the very competitive feature film industry - she did say she'd be happy to see more of my work. So I'm definitely taking that as encouragement.

Still waiting on BBC

2008-07-30T05:48:00.000-07:00

I sent episode one of my three part serial 'Magic Housewives' to the beeb on April 11th and still haven't heard back yet. Am doing a white knuckle ride wait. Unfortunately for me I know they wont be interested in developing it as have since found out they're currently developing something similar. But they may like me just a teensy bit and want to see some more of my work.